Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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