I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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