im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
