Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
