I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
