i was born a porn star she said
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
