I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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