Sponge bath it is.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
