I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize