the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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