I'm lost and stupid without you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
