I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
