butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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