Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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