Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
