I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
