i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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