yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
