You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
