i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
