Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize