I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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