You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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