Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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