The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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