so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
