its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
