My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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