i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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