I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
