Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize