in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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