I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
