I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
