I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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