mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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