i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
