WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
