his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
