Who did Billy Mays play for?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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