Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No subtext here. People are naked.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
