I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
