we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Even my vagina gasped.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
