Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize