So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
