she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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