so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's like iHOP with fire
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
