You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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