i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
