Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
