he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
