I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
