Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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