she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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