Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
