but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Watching her eat just hurts me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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