May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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