Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
