remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize