So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need moral support for this bender
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
