I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
