Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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