You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
