So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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