paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
