I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
