this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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