My nipple is on Facebook.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I will die if light touches me.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
